Different Directions

Sometimes going in different directions from the one you've set your heart on is a tough adjustment to make.

My recent experience with different directions:

It's a BOY! Again...

We have two boys already, so this makes number three for us.

I know that in writing this post I will have some judgment cast, but it's something that a lot of mothers go through and it is rarely admitted. 

Adonis had already said that this would be our last baby and I must admit that I was crossing my fingers and toes extra hard for a girl (even though I "knew" deep down, before the big ultrasound, that it was a boy). The picture in my head was to have a little goddess to follow in my footsteps, but the Lord and Lady had different plans for our family. We were thinking girl so much that we only had a name picked out for a little girl. I had dreams of sparkly shoes, tutus, and long wavy hair with bows.

When I saw the little extra body part that meant it was a boy and not a girl, I felt the tears well up. I told myself to stop, I told myself it wasn't right to be upset enough to cry, but the pregnancy hormones took over and once I made it to the car I cried. I felt like an awful mother for being sad and for not rejoicing in the healthy gift of life that I was being given. There are many mothers who cannot have children and there are still more who become pregnant and lose there babies.

How could I have sat there and been crying because I got another hot dog instead of a hamburger? 

I couldn't help it though; I can be a control freak and it's one of my vices that I work on. Major changes to my plans result in an emotional reaction sometimes and these darn hormones make it that much worse. It was not his extra body part that I was disappointed with and in actuality it had nothing to do with him at all. It was the expectations that I had unrealistically set myself up with and my own plans that had not materialized. Plans that I had absolutely no control over.

Just to reiterate and make it clear:  I was not at all unhappy about my new son's life. I love him very much, sing and talk to him daily, meditate on connecting with him, and CANNOT wait to see him with my own eyes.

It can take time to grab a hold of that silver lining or to set foot on the new path you've been given. Sometimes we set ourselves up for disappointment by hoping and wishing on something that we have no control over. This is where we need to remember to just let go and know that we are being put on a path for a reason. 

My silver lining: It's another baby (*happy dance*), my due date was moved up to June 22nd from July 1st, he has the CUTEST little hands I've seen in an ultrasound, I've always been told that boys are easier to raise, we don't have to buy a lot of new clothes since we still have most of them from when Hermes was a little baby, Adonis said that we could maybe try again in the future, and I'm still the only queen of my castle.

Brighid

Time for week 3 of the Pagan Blog Project!

Normally, I try to come up with something slightly creative, but this week I’m pulling from the list of suggestions. I’ve had a cold for the past week and that, combined with being pregnant, makes me feel a little creatively stunted.

This week’s topic is Imbolc under the name of Brighid! I was going to write a post on Imbolc soon, so this was actually perfect timing.

Imbolc is the next Sabbat coming up.

It's one of my favorites because it is also Groundhog's Day.

Also called Brigid, Brighid’s Day, St. Brigid’s Day, or Candlemas, Imbolc is about the halfway point between the Winter and Spring Equinoxes (I did have to Google the proper plural form of equinox). The word Imbolc comes from the Old Irish, "oimelc," which means "ewe's milk" or the word "imbolg," which means "in the belly". This is about the time of the year of lambing season. If I had ever been allowed to raise livestock like I wanted to growing up, I'd know that first hand. Alas, I have only read about it. Thanks, Mom! I'm still waiting for that horse too.

In many areas of the Northern Hemisphere, the weather is still very cold, which makes it a perfect time to celebrate this hearth Goddess.

As made obvious by its other names, this holiday is also a celebration of the Celtic Triple-Goddess, Brighid. The story goes that Dagda had three daughters, each named Brighid, and each daughter had a specialty. She is the goddess of poetry, which included spoken and written magick as well as prophecy; she is the goddess of the smith's and hearth's fires; and lastly, she is the goddess of water, which included healing properties and pregnancy.

Those who celebrate Brighid may leave a piece of green cloth, as green is her cloak's color, on the mantle and hope that her touch imbues the cloth with healing powers as she passes by.

Another tradition is to weave a Brigid's Cross. Soon we will do this with our boys (using pipe cleaners) and I'll post some pictures of our efforts. A traditional cross is weaved with rushes that are pulled, not cut, from the ground and then hung from doorways and rafters to ward off fires and protect the home.

This is a really short post about Brighid, but now I must curl up with some tea and attempt to get rid of this cough.There are many more things to write about Imbolc, which I will put more effort into in the coming weeks.

Ack! Another Religion in the House

Multi-religion households can have an interesting dynamic.

The biggest question that I’ve seen regarding this topic is, “Which religion do we raise our kids in?” It can be pretty intense when one side of the family is Catholic and the other side is Protestant, but throw in a Pagan religion and you’ve got a completely different point of view.

As Wiccans, and most Pagans really, we have the mindset that you should not force your beliefs or religion on anyone.

If you’re not supposed to force your religion on anyone, what do you do when others are forcing theirs on your children?

My husband and I are Wiccan. My ex-husband is not really religious, but his parents are Catholic. My niece and nephew, who live with us, are required to pray a specific prayer at meals by their father. My niece has an interest in Wicca though. It can get pretty interesting, especially at meal times. Confusing enough for you? It is for us sometimes too.

When my four-year-old son is with his father (my ex-husband), my son sometimes goes to Catholic church with his grandparents. Lately, he’s been coming home with questions like, “Where is heaven?” and, “Did God make the baby in your tummy?” His cousins also pray at dinner and he wanted to start as well.

At first, our plan was not to expose him to any religion and let him come to it on his own when he got older. With so many outside influences, we’ve come to this a lot sooner than I’d planned.

Does it irk me that his grandparents take him to church, even though my agreement with their son was not to? Yes. Am I going to ban him from it? No.

I could have taken my ex to court, saying that he’s violating part of our joint custody agreement, but I’m pretty sure that would have been over-the-top (in addition to being costly). What I’ve decided to do instead, is to expose him to multiple religions.

When he asks questions about heaven, I explain that Papa and Grandma believe that heaven is where God lives, but I also explain what Mommy and Step-dad believe. It may be a little young for him to understand everything, but at least he knows that not everyone believes the same thing and that’s ok.

The first ritual we ever did together was for Mabon. He thought it was a lot of fun because it included apples that we got to eat afterward, seeds that we got to plant, and a little dance we did holding hands around the circle.

As for saying grace before dinner, we made a little non-religion-specific poem that he could recite about being thankful. He used it for a while, but eventually he decided that getting down to eat was more important than saying something first.

Instead of looking this situation as bitter lemons to be angrily smashed, I took it as a chance to make lemonade. In the future, I think it will help him be more open-minded with people and encourage him to explore as many options as he can.

Absent - Missing that Divine Connection

Has there ever been a time in your life where you've felt disconnected?

No matter how hard you meditate, no matter how many times you pray or say a blessing, no matter how elaborate or simple you make your ritual... you feel nothing.

It can leave you feeling very alone... and that's a sad feeling.

No worries though! Almost everyone goes through one or more of these times in their life, when they can't feel a connection to the divine.

You might find yourself asking, "Ok, but how do I get out of this funk?"

The answer is not to push yourself harder. Obviously there is some sort of block.

Maybe you have too much going on in your life to let yourself feel the energy around you.

A few months ago, I was feeling this block. There was so much going on at home and at work and I couldn't control it all. At the same time I was attempting to honor the God and Goddess as well as meditate. Nothing was coming through. I could not feel anything, not even my spirit guide whom I've had a strong connection to for as long as I can remember.

I pushed and pushed and pushed. I told myself that I just needed to try harder, but it was like running against a brick wall. I was feeling disappointed and lost. Had I really lost my Gods? Had I lost my ability to hear my guides? No, I really hadn't, but it was like I was standing in the middle of busy Los Angeles traffic, while trying to hear my guides and the Goddess and God, but screaming at the cars at the same time. There's no way I'm going to feel anything other than frustration.

Eventually I realized that I had to let things go, internally and externally. Once I realized that, things started happening in my life to help me. Even though I loved having my nephew at our home and trying to help him through a rough patch in his life, it was better for our family that his mom decided to take him back to her home. My pregnancy slowly got better. I also tried not to force myself into elaborate rituals and honoring ceremonies to the God and Goddess. I began again at the basics of meditation and honoring the divine. Slowly things began opening up in my mind and I began to once again feel the connection.

If you ever feel like your in a place like this, take a step back, even if it's for just five minutes. If you can, sit outside and listen to nature or watch the clouds. Clear your mind of everything, but again, don't force it. Acknowledge the thought or feeling and let it pass, don't dwell on it. If you can't get outside, try taking time before bed at night and sit with a candle. Just focus on your breathing and the soft candlelight. Even if you're used to long meditation sessions, starting over with little ones and increasing them can be immensely helpful in centering yourself again and opening yourself up to the divine.

Reconnecting yourself is like cleaning out a cluttered house. It's a big task and if you try to do it all at once, you're going to get burnt out. Start in a small corner and clean there; Then slowly make your little clean space a little bigger.

Before you know it, your mental house will be clean and organized again - plenty of room for inviting conversation with the divine.

Green Man, Where art Thou? - Finding Your Patron God and Matron Goddess

When first entering Pagan traditions, you’ll often hear of people honoring specific Gods and Goddesses or even entire groups of Gods and Goddesses called pantheons.

If you have a specific God, Goddess, or pantheon in mind – awesome! You’re ahead of the game. Some people are already aligned with Gods and Goddesses who are the patron saints of their life goals. Musicians may choose to worship Apollo, those who have vowed to help women in childbirth may worship Brigid, and if you feel that your life purpose is to maintain peace then perhaps you honor Baldur.

Gung ho new pagans might feel like they have to choose a set to worship, but if you have no one specific in mind then I say wait.  

Feel the energy of the God and Goddess (or many of them).  Wait for signs to pop up. Some people smell certain scents such as cinnamon or roses when a God or Goddess is around. Some people see certain symbols or animals more frequently like horses or ankhs when a God or Goddess is trying to get their attention.

Like many, I tried to force myself to honor a specific pantheon. The Norse Gods seemed pretty freakin' awesome, but then the Celtic Gods have cool names. None of them really felt like they clicked with me though.

My first real experience with a matron Goddess was with Athena.

I first realized that Athena was with me when I meditated and asked for guidance. I wanted to know who my guides were in my life and following the advice of one of my favorite bloggers, I asked. In addition to two other guides that I’d known about for a long time, I was surprised to feel the presence and “see” the name Athena in my mind.

‘Cool!’ I thought. I had heard of Athena, she’s a pretty popular Goddess after all, and I knew she had something to do with wisdom. At the time I didn’t put much thought or research into it. Shortly after that, I decided that it would be really cool to start collecting owls; It was a random thought. I started seeing owls everywhere. Knickknacks, on TV, in art… and then I researched Athena. It turned out that Athena was frequently depicted with an owl.

My Goddess had found me.

If you are looking for yours, be open and don’t be afraid to ask the divine…

If you’ve already found yours, don’t be afraid to share your story with others. Perhaps that other person isn’t recognizing the signs in their life and your story will help them to do so.

Deck the Halls - It's Time for Yule

Yuletide carols being sung by the choir…

 

Lighting the Yule log…

A lot of people associate Yule as being synonymous with Christmas, but for Pagans, it’s its own holiday. Christmas and Yule were actually merged together around 1000 A.D. during the conversion of many Pagan people to Christianity. The reason for the merging is actually that it was easier to convert the Pagans if the changes to their holidays were not so drastic. Those that celebrate Christmas get tree decorating, Yule logs, and wassailing/caroling from Pagan traditions.

Yule is the day of the Winter Solstice and this year it fell on December 21^st.  It is the shortest day of the year, followed by the longest night of the year.

To the Wiccans that follow the Celtic legend, Yule is about celebrating the triumph of the Oak King over the Holly King. The Oak King is the King of the Light. With his triumph over the Holly King, the days become lighter as the sun shines more. Also, some Wiccans celebrate Yule as the day the Sun King is reborn. There is not a battle that goes on, but throughout the year the Sun King is born, grows, becomes the maiden’s consort, grows old, and dies on Samhain, to be reborn again at the winter solstice.

 

There are many ways to celebrate Yule:

 

Yule logs are the most common centerpiece in pagan tradition for Yule. Yule logs are traditionally received as a gift or recycled from last year’s tree. As always, different woods have different magical properties and many choose to select their Yule log based on the type of tree it is cut from. Ours is always left over from last year’s Christmas tree (we celebrate both holidays in our house). Yule logs are decorated with holly, pinecones, mistletoe, dried cranberries, ribbon, small cuttings of pine trees, and many other natural and season-themed decorations. It is encouraged that you only decorate with things that have fallen to the Earth, as it is a waste to take live cuttings from plants. The Yule log can be left as a decoration or actually burned. Without a proper fireplace or backyard in the past, we usually leave the Yule log as a decoration and light a candle. This is done to welcome the return of the light and to keep light during the longest night of the year.

Rituals are a main focus of the Yule time tradition. Whether yours is formal, informal, skyclad, clothed, adults only, with the family, or even includes the pets… the general theme of these rituals is to celebrate the abundance of life and light that surrounds you. Altars can be decorated with the same decorations as the Yule log. Other decorations include cloved oranges and apples, pine boughts sprinkled with flower, and colored ribbon. Gems and candles associated with this holiday are generally ones in colors of red, green, white, and gold.  After the ritual, a feast is held and includes beverages such as mulled wine and cider.

Yule is also the traditional day for pagans to give gifts, instead of Christmas.

This year, I was told of a tradition similar to that of the Advent candles that I grew up with in Christian church: Each of the four weeks preceding the solstice, a candle is lit and an additional candle is added. By the solstice, there are four candles burning and on solstice a fifth candle is lit. Each candle represents the growing light that is coming and helps give power to the Oak/Sun King. I thought that this was a really neat tradition and we just might borrow it next year.

For this solstice, we only had the youngest child and only on the night before Yule. That night we shared some apple cider, read a story about the Holly and Oak Kings and then lit a candle that burned until the morning of December 22^nd. We also taught him a little rhyme:

Sun shining bright,

Shortest day,

Longest night.

Hopefully this very brief overview of Yule was helpful.

However you choose to celebrate Yule, I hope that it is a merry and blessed day for you and your family. 

 

Next Sabbat: Imbolc (February 2nd)

Have a Blessed Yule!