Fear

I know I'm a little behind on the PBP. Life has been really crazy lately with sports starting up for the boys and the littlest boy on the way.

With that being said, I'm starting with last week's letter, F.

Fear.

Fear is a powerful thing. 

Fear of the unknown can stop forward progression through life. For some it just stops you from completing goals, for others it is so serious that they can’t leave their homes. 

Fear can manifest itself in many ways such as your heart beating faster, your palms sweating, your body shaking, or seeing big, black, evil creatures. 

Didn’t see me going that direction did you? And just in case you're wondering, I'm not talking about schizophrenia.

During times of fear and stress, meditation becomes difficult and at times I can “see” large black creatures trying to claw and bite their way into my energy bubble. These can be scary and I’ve found myself thinking, “Wow, my imagination is really running wild.” Occasionally I’ve thought, “AH DEMONS!” 

Do I actually think they’re demons? No. Demons have a lot better things to do then flail fruitlessly at my meditation energy bubble.

The more I meditate on them and what’s going on around me though, I realize that it’s more likely a manifestation of the fear and anxiety running rampant through my mind during the busy hours (and when I try to sleep). Bills, childbirth, our house being robbed, work, moving, deciding where to send my youngest son to school, custody issues, etc. can create a lot of anxiety and fear for the future. 

If I try to hide that fear away and not deal with it, it will manifest itself in other ways, like a big, black, angry creature trying to claw its way to the forefront of my mind. 

These are times when I know I need to focus and actually deal with that fear. I need to confront it instead of pushing it away or worrying about it constantly. 

There is a tale that goes something like:

“A Native American chief was speaking to his grandson. He said, ‘Inside me there is a white dog and a black dog and they are constantly fighting one another. The black dog is mean, angry, and full of fear. The white dog is good, kind, and full of happiness.’ The grandson asked, ‘Grandfather, which dog wins?’ The grandfather replied, ‘The one I feed the most.’”

Once I acknowledge the black dog inside me, I need to stop feeding it. I need to stop worrying about it and stressing about it. I need to feed the white dog and come up with helpful resolutions and, if necessary, I need to ask for help. 

Once I start to meditate and feel the black creatures, I know that I’ve given that fear too much power and have probably been trying to push it away for too long. Most of the time, this requires after-action on my part. This can be things like making a plan or even just telling someone else about my fears. During meditation I can visualize my spirit animal (which is a panther) assisting the white dog in its fight. I could visualize power flowing into the white dog, making it grown larger and larger. I could also visualize trapping the black dog in a cone of energy and communicating with it, telling it that it will no longer have control over my life.

Once I take charge of the black dog, the white dog has more power in my life and starts winning the constant battle.