Different Directions

Sometimes going in different directions from the one you've set your heart on is a tough adjustment to make.

My recent experience with different directions:

It's a BOY! Again...

We have two boys already, so this makes number three for us.

I know that in writing this post I will have some judgment cast, but it's something that a lot of mothers go through and it is rarely admitted. 

Adonis had already said that this would be our last baby and I must admit that I was crossing my fingers and toes extra hard for a girl (even though I "knew" deep down, before the big ultrasound, that it was a boy). The picture in my head was to have a little goddess to follow in my footsteps, but the Lord and Lady had different plans for our family. We were thinking girl so much that we only had a name picked out for a little girl. I had dreams of sparkly shoes, tutus, and long wavy hair with bows.

When I saw the little extra body part that meant it was a boy and not a girl, I felt the tears well up. I told myself to stop, I told myself it wasn't right to be upset enough to cry, but the pregnancy hormones took over and once I made it to the car I cried. I felt like an awful mother for being sad and for not rejoicing in the healthy gift of life that I was being given. There are many mothers who cannot have children and there are still more who become pregnant and lose there babies.

How could I have sat there and been crying because I got another hot dog instead of a hamburger? 

I couldn't help it though; I can be a control freak and it's one of my vices that I work on. Major changes to my plans result in an emotional reaction sometimes and these darn hormones make it that much worse. It was not his extra body part that I was disappointed with and in actuality it had nothing to do with him at all. It was the expectations that I had unrealistically set myself up with and my own plans that had not materialized. Plans that I had absolutely no control over.

Just to reiterate and make it clear:  I was not at all unhappy about my new son's life. I love him very much, sing and talk to him daily, meditate on connecting with him, and CANNOT wait to see him with my own eyes.

It can take time to grab a hold of that silver lining or to set foot on the new path you've been given. Sometimes we set ourselves up for disappointment by hoping and wishing on something that we have no control over. This is where we need to remember to just let go and know that we are being put on a path for a reason. 

My silver lining: It's another baby (*happy dance*), my due date was moved up to June 22nd from July 1st, he has the CUTEST little hands I've seen in an ultrasound, I've always been told that boys are easier to raise, we don't have to buy a lot of new clothes since we still have most of them from when Hermes was a little baby, Adonis said that we could maybe try again in the future, and I'm still the only queen of my castle.

Pagan Baby on the Way!

A baby pagan will be born July 1^st! That’s right, we’re expecting. The hubby and I are so excited to be bringing our first child together into this world. We both have sons from previous marriages, but this one is made by both of us.

This is also the first child for both of us that will be raised with pagan values since birth.

What is fun is that there are so many interesting pagan traditions for pregnancy and birth. Creating a birth altar, having a blessingway, burying your placenta under a tree, or a naming ceremony are a few different ways to celebrate the new life you are expecting.

Birth Altar

Birth altars can be created anywhere in the house. These can be especially helpful if you are birthing at home. They can be your center or power, your visual reminder of your goal, and your source of calm. Fill your birth altar with lots of baby items, rattles, stuffed animals, ultrasound pictures, pictures of your family, and baby-related stones and herbs. Meditating at your birth altar regularly will make it a sacred place and a center of power.

Blessingway

Blessingways are a Native American tradition. They celebrate and honor the woman becoming a mother. Similar to a baby shower, these are planned by someone close to the mother. The planner typically invites other women who are close to or who have been influential in the mother’s life. http://www.naturalbirthandbabycare.com/blessingway.html has a lot of ideas for a blessingway. My favorites are:

• Beads: Have each woman invited (and even those too far away to attend) bring/send a bead for the mother. The beads should be specifically picked out with the mother in mind. These beads are then strung into a necklace or bracelet for the mother to wear during labor. These beads will be a reminder of the support she has around her. They can empower her and give her strength and peace.
• Hair brushing and feet washing: The group of women brushes the mother’s hair and washes her feet in warm water. Who doesn’t like having their hair brushed, right? It is soothing and a great bonding activity. I also feel it’s symbolic of the gentle, nurturing ways of mothers.

As I read the many ideas for the blessingway, I got hormonally teary-eyed to think of the support and caring these ideas would bring to a mother-to-be.

Placenta Burial

Many cultures utilize placenta burial such as the Maori of New Zealand, Indonesians, the Ibo of Nigeria, and Samoans. Burying the placenta symbolizes the connection between humans and the Earth. In Euro-pagan traditions, the placenta is buried under a tree. Trees are sacred to pagans and in connection with the God and Goddess, the symbology goes that a boy’s placenta is buried under a nut tree and a girl’s under a fruit tree.  The placenta nourishes the tree and helps it grow tall and strong. It is the hope that the life of the child will also be strong and healthy.

Naming Ceremony

A naming ceremony is a formal ritual in which you introduce your new child to the community and give them their name. A naming ceremony is also called a Wiccaning or a saining. This can be for their legal name, but you can also use it to give the child their second or Wiccan name. Pagans and non-pagans alike can attend, but you may want to give the non-pagans a heads-up if they don’t know what they’re in for. Invoking spirits or saying blessings can be surprising to someone who has never seen it done before. As with most rituals, it is preferable to do this outside, but if you can’t then make sure you have enough space for everyone inside. At the ceremony you can share the birth story, background of the name choosing, and anything else meaningful about the child and your family. The parents can also take this time to formally dedicate or bind themselves to the child as well as name the guardians or god-parents of that child.

I can’t wait to bond with my baby and use these new (to us) traditions and ceremonies. For my son, we had the traditional baby shower, but nothing that bonded me to my son like these traditions would. This is yet another reason I’m drawn to Wicca – I have never had the experience that celebrates and honors mothers like this.